Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Go to therapy at your own risk

In today's West, whenever we are emotionally overwhelmed, we are advised to "go to therapy". Unfortunately, if we follow the advice, this most often means that some individual with a pseudo-scientific diploma will charge us nice round sums for asking us very personal questions. I like the dialog below, borrowed from the Greek Mythology Olympiaganza by Don Zolidis. It shows Cronus and Rhea in a psychotherapy office, trying in vain to save their marriage.

"NARRATOR 2: Now I know what you’re thinking out there: I’m not sure this is the proper family
relationship. But you’re just looking at it with modern eyes, in ancient times it was perfectly acceptable to... okay, it was always gross.

RHEA: Cronos, can we talk?

CRONOS: Sure honey, what’s up?

RHEA: This is hard for me to say: I’d like you to stop eating our children.

CRONOS: Nag nag nag nag nag, that’s all you ever do!

NARRATOR 2: So Rhea did the only thing she could do - they went to therapy.

(A COUNSELOR enters and they sit.)

THERAPIST: That’s interesting. And how do you feel about him eating the children?

RHEA: It makes me feel… upset.


RHEA: Because he’s a jerk -

THERAPIST: That’s a blaming statement. We’re not using blaming statements here.

CRONOS: I feel upset now.

THERAPIST: It’s okay, Cronos. It’s Rhea’s turn to share right now. Are you listening to her?


THERAPIST: Good. I think we’re making progress. Go on Rhea. Tell Cronos how you feel.

RHEA: Cronos, when you eat my babies it makes me…

THERAPIST: If you don’t share your feelings with him, he’ll never know.

RHEA: It makes me feel angry because a lot of work into those babies and you eating them…

THERAPIST: Keep going! We’re getting somewhere now.

RHEA: Means that you’re eating our love.

CRONOS: Can I respond to that?

THERAPIST: Please. That’s why we’re here.

CRONOS: Rhea -

THERAPIST: Yes. Look at her.

CRONOS: You need to stop complaining or I’ll eat you next.

THERAPIST: No no we’re backsliding, remember what we talked about in our last session -

CRONOS: No death threats -

THERAPIST: That’s right, no death threats. Positive statements, Cronos. Positive statements.

CRONOS: Okay, um… it makes me feel good to threaten to kill -

THERAPIST: No. No. Cronos?

CRONOS: Okay. Rhea, I’m sorry you’re upset that I eat our children. But… I don’t feel that… you
respect my decision to eat the children enough -

RHEA: What!

THERAPIST: Listen to him. Hear him out.

RHEA: He’s crazy!

CRONOS: This is what I’m talking about, Doctor. Right there. No respect!

RHEA: I don’t respect anyone who eats babies!

CRONOS: Oh sure and you’ve never done anything wrong in this marriage! What about that time
when the soup was cold?


CRONOS: You’re not even trying to make this marriage work!

RHEA: Are you kidding me?!

THERAPIST (overlapping): Let’s try to remain positive -

CRONOS: Where is the love?! Huh? Where is the affection!!!

THERAPIST: Okay. Okay. Stop. Let’s just sit down and try to move forward. We’re going to try an
exercise I like to call `sharing time’. So here’s what we do: Cronos, you share something you haven’t told Rhea, and then Rhea, you share something you haven’t told Cronos. Okay? Can we try that?

CRONOS: I guess.

THERAPIST: Cronos. You first. What haven’t you told Rhea?

CRONOS: Um… Rhea… I think your sister is hotter than you.

RHEA: What!

THERAPIST: Now Rhea. What would you like to share with Cronos?

RHEA: Okay - you know how the last baby you ate was all tough?

CRONOS: I figured he was going to be god of earthquakes or something.

RHEA: Actually that wasn’t a baby. That was a rock.


RHEA: And I’ve been raising that child ever since to kill you.


RHEA: Come on in, Zeus!

(ZEUS enters.)

CRONOS: See what I mean! She’s been lying to me!

RHEA: Kill him Zeus!

THERAPIST (shouting over them): There has to be a healthier way to address family conflicts!

RHEA: Get him boy!

ZEUS: Rarrrrrgh!

NARRATOR 2: Oh yeah, and in the middle of this Cronos puked up all the kids he had eaten and they banded together and -
(they all stop to look at him.)
What? I’m not making this up. This is straight from Wikipedia."

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